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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
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! A  u/ v# x% J  bike and asked for forgiveness.! R+ Z0 G+ `! T1 n

1 m+ t) _1 i, o& |  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
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/ T3 l. H  E8 [/ b1 u  辆然后求上帝宽恕。
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  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
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  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.! S# N' i: U/ t  p
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  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
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  样死法啊!
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7 r6 O/ v8 X+ G+ \0 {: G4 P( `  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you2 p2 }3 L/ h& U" D

3 w: X- r6 R2 T5 n% J7 b+ N  with experience.
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( y: v- ?/ m5 Z" A' S  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。5 c1 D4 ]2 Q9 ]$ x' C8 a
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  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。* P9 m3 i8 j6 Z( L( y
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  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.' B- W0 o: w' z
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  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
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  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
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) h) \9 c# W. }  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police." Y7 |& N1 d5 K* f

3 @! P* _& b! R' Q( |! x  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
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8 A% Y7 |+ E9 n' q( _- Y  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd% Y4 }" C# g: e- m3 H* ~# |% a' B5 {

6 L2 z% [& R2 C4 A8 E: J  A  better have a good hand., l) P# G2 ?: Z5 @

5 ^( N. O% C% |7 z  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。1 f3 ?- m6 r# E: L

$ [8 _: w, Z- O$ Z: V' N  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca2 v, x& ]; V- H+ w$ n+ F% y

+ |% N; p, g' E6 {5 w  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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- E& t" A4 I& W( s  {8 L$ w7 w' e  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去+ v: u& A8 |7 n) R& @; d. h: x
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  还是很有喜感。
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  E' P( O( n6 T4 q# q  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
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! L5 d, j* D4 [: U+ L, ^' N  ged regularly, and for the same reason.! `; e1 q2 f. |$ S# A% P5 Z

7 z& l2 ?; l3 }7 O6 C  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏# h" h: I) K+ \

/ E+ P3 p% k; e/ q  了!!# h  B! t6 v, @/ R! p" }
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  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.+ ]0 T% F; }; F2 S
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  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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3 }) P2 [' q+ u$ i* S! s  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
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  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!
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  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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# v  B' q3 B  W$ y$ y+ ~. q. P0 p  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.( B0 k2 g9 F  W9 [, I
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  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。8 U0 L$ y4 G  P/ @% Q+ @
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  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
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7 P2 y$ ^1 s4 P( A; \* d  n, make him a sandwich.% }+ q# ?; C. m, y' x8 Y9 D
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  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!: t; X7 ^& T, ~! O$ y- n
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  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
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  il you hear them speak.
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' g* k7 h& @  b/ X* `$ o  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
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  x! {- f1 N/ \  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
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  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。2 C( |4 c5 g0 W

, L  h) N0 J; P( y6 r  m- }$ v  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
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5 P6 S1 R3 ^6 }% ]  s.
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  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""3 ~  u* u$ |$ G
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  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
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# V, P( ~) N9 e" \0 |  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
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& r2 @  B, m/ C- @% A  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
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) w  x+ j0 A5 v+ ~  tell you why it isn't.! y5 n% b! \" F' Z

! l/ ]7 |5 Q$ H: H  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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  box to start a campfire?
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# P( p) l9 G- M! Z  u& }/ c" y  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!( n' W% N1 H  Q% `) U& K& h. W

% r5 t9 C! k3 ]5 q  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科9 y! {( |6 }+ |8 H% c

! z% x: S: n- f- k% @) O; {  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy4 z' S9 Z3 z' H' y! I
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  s it?) g- P4 [- d! Z- p, h

5 z% f5 J" P1 F1 e/ X# ~7 f4 v4 W  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?# Z5 x4 u, n- @/ y& S

# {; x$ q# s' @9 e  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr$ j, X6 N- V5 _6 |' }# O
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  uit salad.( U' t0 g' X6 T0 Y

$ s9 P" q1 q4 n9 h5 A$ h  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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6 A- q2 F! x$ i6 h  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个' _% P" X. i2 t# R0 \1 R* `

# f6 t& u0 v% y+ g% _1 l# E) A! l- N  篮子。) ?8 K4 V/ L& o" r) D* M1 O

; T( k+ h! s! {) i- v" a  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"1 I4 Q6 q$ j6 {; ~+ b4 {9 }9 f
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  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.8 y# R: @8 L  ?3 }$ _

" o) Z  x  J9 \7 w- r  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!
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  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the1 |, B3 J$ M+ B& @3 Q* g
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  same night.* Q* ^+ Z. L8 H, _* a

& q& z% N: s& m8 d( q% R/ `2 _0 V  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
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+ j6 U2 U1 b1 y% |8 k5 ~  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian9 j! b8 X* A2 x2 P8 G
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  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。
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  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops0 U6 w1 H- s5 p; D  V2 M9 ]: U
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  . On my desk, I have a work station..
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  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
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  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。1 R1 L' l, T" ^6 [
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  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
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  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
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  m fish?( `. c! }" @- A8 z$ {
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  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃% N* `9 `+ T5 _- s$ |
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  了。
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8 H! C+ ]3 `% p  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin) u9 o7 j; `8 P! R3 z8 B% Q
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; ?: ~5 _- A# }! b  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!  ?) q+ E4 Y/ ?6 p- h
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  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!
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  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
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  ts?"
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  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”  T1 ]# N$ r1 Z! k2 ~

$ Z6 d8 o$ T' N. h  J, X$ X  {/ D  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
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; j! L. [& O' l% }; X; |  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-: A: B2 ~2 I" e

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  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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6 J2 D) T% E0 I  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu2 p. w. s; z; E7 c$ z# ~+ |1 G. e

; V* I  I" @9 s  t check when you say the paint is wet?. J: h% `  }2 \! R5 F7 t

+ d" T4 s' l% M  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?" o! h! S0 O/ A

- a5 I& g$ d) v/ @  I3 ]  d  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
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. \8 g) s  O* \  l doubt.' t# x& f, v+ c- _1 Z

6 z) H# x% K7 e. S% _  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。! }& o7 x# \3 s8 l

2 l0 g1 o/ F3 l5 X  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
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  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。
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, H! F5 R5 X/ Q0 w  ?1 i# [6 z  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'9 M2 [$ u+ e2 {
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  t need it.' Y& Q' S, E3 ~
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  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方" P. [& h) N" W: j! f9 p
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  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.3 r! B  `3 r4 \7 E( j/ l! B
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  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。
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  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!6 b  T/ m8 m. n

8 U: M1 P4 B  V; Q) r8 ^  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!
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9 u# X/ \) }/ ]5 q( ^8 m/ f! `$ U  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫, f. q! n7 O" Q! P% F" D6 F: ]" ?
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  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?
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# \8 [8 ]- v" H" r) V  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”" E2 @: D* v! j$ |
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  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。; k6 o2 Q" I. _6 a# r

, X, o' [" M& G; E  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.. o* E6 C1 Y! t. S; `# i/ p

$ ]3 V6 @" R# _9 y5 Z6 Y( q/ g  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装- y  @8 U! Y; q" U7 _; K

! l  [. B$ `1 X  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.) w* Q' N+ e6 {

' I/ W5 ]  p  T& \; C- S  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"/ Q7 M- L- v- U
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  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
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. t6 a8 y& d7 Z& k  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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' E' h, V4 x9 P  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等1 ~- |* q9 _5 M: F- f
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  。
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  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.& A0 _8 ~1 f& `, k( M

9 X% S" ?' s. x( M  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
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  rls live.
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9 C' l8 {* w" \9 v1 U  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!5 V4 |# l7 G% Z, A; b

& ~7 H/ [% \8 s- h  b  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear& }2 Z6 `. \" h1 ~/ a9 L7 v/ q

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  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。+ L' V7 P& P, @8 G* @& }
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  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。
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  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.# a  W8 v' k3 o# K/ j  Q
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  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
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  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot., z) `3 @$ Q& V8 q  Z/ P

: L  c  w. j+ t9 x+ \  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨$ Y; F. T" S' `- ^# I
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  叫声是一样滴。' I! _6 h) i4 |4 F$ W/ d

' |6 f9 G* L9 ~! E& I4 e* j  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
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! [; E/ `& o/ {4 T  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
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  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。: H7 X! @7 ~3 A" X/ K& H+ a5 y! m

$ c5 y( t* h# s$ D4 x5 A  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.( e& l" j' r/ p" e; I; Z6 Q1 {/ I

1 c6 a1 H4 F2 o+ w/ H* U4 R  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!
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  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
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  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
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  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什
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  么忙?!
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  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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