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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a9 s) _0 g3 b3 g! V5 p9 @" t
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  bike and asked for forgiveness.
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  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一) t5 z1 Q1 B# C

- `* F/ o2 A7 `7 J' l& y  辆然后求上帝宽恕。8 `0 D$ e0 M# p* G: S5 l
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  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
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  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
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  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一! p( p! g3 a: K! L, J% v6 T5 \

/ _2 M; M/ J5 d! F. D* i; P' ~  样死法啊!7 |# r2 l& P# u
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  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
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9 ^. E5 T) l  j& E0 `* B  with experience.- E% e9 h  m. M
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  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你5 J0 N# ]* v+ h& i0 x( o

& f3 u  u* y2 ?& W* v4 j  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。/ B$ N* U" }" o2 Q

" a+ G6 n3 `, e5 A0 f8 H  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。
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  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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0 [) M$ k  v5 j3 U' }, F8 v& J5 N% e8 U  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.6 r4 C8 _. c: x0 }1 T
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  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
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  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。& @' c) r5 C( X# S2 d
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  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.3 `% y8 }) J+ x& P

+ w4 b; }) G5 r$ n$ u  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
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  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd
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# }6 u- \. L8 |# ^6 C  better have a good hand.4 E9 k4 |3 }9 u1 p+ L

" ]' e; R: ^0 M. i* C6 c  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。
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  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
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  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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* _; {! ^" \3 S; F  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去, s  q$ W6 g9 h/ ^
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  还是很有喜感。* O+ V- Y9 K* j5 X- {( e

9 V! r# {" q) F  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
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0 i# u3 Z$ c& m+ {  ged regularly, and for the same reason.4 e6 \9 ?; D3 j5 |3 T
$ ^) b1 _. R/ V1 d6 E1 y' E* W
  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏+ s$ K& M/ [8 k, T0 k

& {5 f, Z! q2 ?1 J$ ^7 i( T  了!!
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  |3 ]! ^/ W2 {  ]" Z: Z4 H  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.( R1 W" I7 E& _0 g* j9 _! X" x
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  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。/ d/ v1 P% W0 O1 h
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  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
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  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!/ R3 M( i: o; q
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  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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1 D- c: S  k' F$ w  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.6 y, r7 T' ?3 Y0 @, R1 {

+ u+ V) a# r, @  w: _1 Q( M+ y  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。7 a8 O0 U. N' z  A  V2 }' z

" Y7 M! ^2 j; o1 U& Q  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio) [5 y0 |- A7 F' Z
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  n, make him a sandwich.
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/ c, q; G) I7 y' d4 n5 Q0 H  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!
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/ D3 ^5 W( W4 E+ y/ Z. w; }  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt1 X: u( E4 k0 K0 z

9 I- L* R- k; i8 i. Y) |  il you hear them speak.4 Q6 i# b& q. E9 q' F# S! R7 s; d
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  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
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! n1 q9 T+ P0 k; U9 R# x  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
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; ?( K/ c/ h. h% T) r0 ^) i  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。7 G) L7 F4 y2 Y

) Q. [9 z7 u, v* ^* l0 h  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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1 C1 `4 Y( a6 R, u1 }% X  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
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# m# X+ S  m+ ~, D  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""* N) Z7 H; y3 t7 I) I; _: R5 k

/ a2 N5 {5 q, L# N+ h' M1 g+ k$ K  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.7 _( ]: E; n6 s% k3 C" c9 T
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  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
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# _; A( `! ?3 L0 [8 E  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
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/ Q& o0 C  D+ i5 z; t2 k& ~7 @8 E, Y( }  tell you why it isn't.. ?7 w! z2 q% ^# S& H7 ]

2 X( P4 V9 N5 J* t# P  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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4 n2 g- Y3 j/ \$ ~0 c2 O  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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  box to start a campfire?. e# W! e2 p7 Y" Y9 K; x- l
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  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!2 s7 `! f, l2 v+ t" Q$ C5 H8 L

' v& v" c2 Z4 I/ w  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科0 B9 K$ B2 u' B- c8 Q

/ P$ F5 W  a3 z# e1 _) w/ h  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy" ~1 U, D% M% V9 u9 G- l4 n

6 `5 E7 Q$ g5 Q5 j4 I4 i5 v# O  s it?
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  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?0 _: v, i6 O2 u

0 k% j1 |, A6 h6 R$ y  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
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2 p8 p6 @4 @/ ]# X  uit salad.) u9 K) T; p9 u, U8 g

+ a1 v0 `( V' S" h, }/ {1 J  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。/ B6 y- g) t3 h+ p

! p! `8 K- u( p2 G9 P  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
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  篮子。
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  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"
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) f) `3 {# i; W+ N3 l7 E  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
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  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!
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  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the& m; y1 p( V6 P7 f; \: u3 d
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  same night.& Z- G$ s7 Q5 ]

0 Z8 P. o/ X- a  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。) L9 E/ h! y- S8 B

2 e& I( X/ S8 O3 C* k, V& E  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
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  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。
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; z5 S! C, G1 J& d' Y  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops! `  h! Q) E9 g* ~! j+ l
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  . On my desk, I have a work station..
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- \- z! a8 r3 O3 j8 L  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…0 w1 c+ a2 u- O0 y9 ]" \$ f, D

, U5 d: N1 g6 k  f7 i& q  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.4 B) R8 H4 A( C( H! A' D/ Z; F+ u

% T; b, n/ Y6 K" |# N+ V6 u- H  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。! j0 N* F  @' s% S% v1 U  o3 w
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  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv* j$ h( G# w& Z$ Z
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  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
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; M" p6 ]7 k1 R  m fish?. h5 v! y1 L6 z
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  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃& g! m2 j  J* k6 ?+ G( I

; g( w6 L9 T  ?/ o, }- H  F, X  了。+ G+ k) T# i7 z: r0 [
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  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin6 x# l) G# X9 R1 m" v

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& \/ `4 g( Y. h+ Z( x  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!
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  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!7 l# F9 ~" Y6 k
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  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan( `6 |: f& ~5 @) q4 u- _

& p. [$ {/ P) H$ b  ts?"
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( B& k9 d1 M, K* d  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”, w, m2 p; n7 v2 h# l

5 `& Z  r" [5 @( A# Q3 J  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk  z' V- y7 j, S2 X. [; ^0 U

" N+ c9 r! o  C: ~1 r$ d" K  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-/ x; A! G$ u. r" F: n# f
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  up.
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5 ]+ |5 c* G1 X6 h" l  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。4 j, J! d  ]& o8 j* I+ A

7 _, l9 {+ V3 l; K9 E5 A3 N2 D  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu% X* R$ {+ P* E/ ]5 N

+ T( l2 z5 T7 M5 q5 ^% Q/ l' x. I  t check when you say the paint is wet?1 a- v: h$ j" X' o1 B6 p4 f0 p

/ \8 [! W- r4 g' W! {# f  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?
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  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
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+ P! @; \9 v; }- i% j" p4 p  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
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& Q5 Y& q/ n) B, e3 r  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释! P0 R9 Q3 ~- q/ Y3 z% d

. R  V2 O4 p' E' X/ \: |/ C5 H  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。
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  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'; p& n, j7 Q. J! D! _

9 @& G0 H4 u/ D2 }: s! e+ ~  t need it.% ^) S4 Q1 R* h* ^0 n
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  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方: U: ~/ y1 v( o5 |" `6 U" M

$ Y9 k. i" Z; z# \  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
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  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。7 V0 z% i, o! d& R7 S4 _, k1 a

5 [' E7 T) p; [% a$ w* O& H  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。9 }  B5 K* O8 ^& N: S0 f: q2 V
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  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
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: l6 J' w% y, n8 t  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!
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, \4 k/ ]6 L3 H  T7 R$ G/ l  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫& g2 a$ }5 _  K9 e# Z! l

3 R8 l- L* z) F* B) [2 g" K  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.2 @8 J9 t' v; r. C1 {# h

2 j2 Z9 d; z5 m* \3 v' j+ d  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?. b. s; Q* V; b6 b* B! G
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  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
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  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。
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& q& m, `! V5 Q. |# O  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.. w  s, W+ G% k1 h% r* c1 U, y

% `: X2 d3 w( T- S. q  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装& k+ K2 t' b2 F& H- v
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  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.7 K7 r5 D8 H1 a2 M8 e
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  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"% V% X& b# Y! ~7 _$ }

! ^4 Y* |* A3 F# V9 y/ N3 G  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with( J! F- Y% X  V

  r, v- }6 P& d5 x! e  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
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& s% e4 w- A5 V9 \( ?  。
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  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
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) _7 m6 n- A2 t0 n# }  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi4 ]' `/ Q; i+ \- E& |

% f, _0 W1 F9 Y8 ]% F+ w  rls live.: I' M5 K6 a0 |, v0 A
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  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!( P8 `1 Y0 p7 S, L8 v. _- G
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  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
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+ W; g: T2 Q9 G0 x3 D  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。" G1 ^$ C9 Y! O

  p9 F! h$ C: _' i$ q  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。
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; l7 ~* D) W# m- }% j) w+ j; x. q  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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! ^) l( x) n! X0 M4 L2 @4 s  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.& }$ t5 P! e7 Y/ _3 o
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  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a/ p9 z( ?3 o' a7 j! d5 K# n+ d

* F9 b- q5 t6 W. j( Z* d3 O  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.% H9 g: H; W' O0 l: i; b

0 `  n" j! |3 B4 z  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨4 v% X/ y, K/ V( O
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  叫声是一样滴。
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  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.* t" `$ k$ Z" C  c# ?, S: N! M
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  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
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2 z: i; K+ O. t% A' c/ K  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。% u, D, _$ G; T: R

9 h- Y, P8 q7 L# M! p& p  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!
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0 T2 i  v, I! D, q* q5 G  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
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4 M, X8 t' x& j" Z$ _9 N5 X  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?! k7 @' m" V7 Z
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  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什
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; W" F' j, y0 K  么忙?!
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  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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0 C6 j. B% D& f/ Q3 e5 S% l5 ~  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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